Who Attacked Agent 11?

DISCLAIMER: This post is a satire post not intended to be taken seriously by anyone. Agent 11 is an extremely good guy and a well respected leader of a well respected army within our community. The attack on him was completely unacceptable and we here at Club Penguin Online Army League are happy and pleased to hear that he is doing well, and is on the mend.

SUB ZERO, Ice Warriors Capital – Just hours ago, the Club Penguin Army community found themselves in a state of shock and horror after finding out that Agent 11, leader of the Ice Warriors had been attacked in real life, following a trip to the shop. With this act being so serious that Agent 11 had to go to the hospital, we at CPO Army League Media have decided that we owe it to him to investigate. These are the findings of that investigation.

In this post, we are going to examine potential suspects in the attack that took place on Agent 11. While we currently do not know for sure that the asailant was someone from the community, or even on this list – as you will begin to see, there are several people with clear motives making them perfect suspects. CPOAL has been working with the Elite Penguin Force to conduct this investigation, and with that being said – onto the first suspect.

The Doritos of Club Penguin

For the last few weeks, we have seen many back and forth brawling between the Doritos of Club Penguin and the Ice Warriors. The two armies have been involved in heated battles, with a war between the two armies recently taking place. Recently, the Doritos have been hyping up the fact that a war is coming, holding “war training” sessions. While we do not know who the intended target of the war is, we do know that there is still no love between Doritos and the Ice Warriors, who continue to post malicious comments about the other on both discord and their respective blogs.

This gives the Doritos of Club Penguin clear motive to attack Agent 11. They are known enemies of the Ice Warriors, and the plan could have been to weaken a leader of the Ice Warriors in order to ensure that the declaration of war that is coming, could not be met with much resistance following a hospitalised leader. Further motive has become avaliable today as Mustapha has officially announced his retirement from the Club Penguin Army community, meaning that the DCP now lose a leader, perhaps they wanted the Ice Warriors to suffer the same fate?

Regan

It is often speculated that the person who initally points the finger, is the guilty culprit. Referred to as the “smelt it, dealt it” defence, this simply on its own is not enough evidence to point the finger at Regan. As you can see in the screenshot above, Regan suggests that a member of the Ice Warriors very own leadership could be responsible for the attack on Agent 11. He follows this up with an emoji that would certainly give any reasonable detective cause for suspecion. From the emoji, one can infer that Regan has information that he has not yet shared.

The leader of the Donald Trumpguin Army decided to be the hero that no one knew they needed, and bravely asked Regan the question on everyones mind. Did Regan attack Agent 11 in a bid to cease power and reduce the shareholding of the Ice Warriors power? Not surprisingly, Regan decided to quickly and abrutely state that he has “never” attacked Agent 11. With Regan clearly holding back infomation, I decided it was time to interview the Battilion Chief of the Raiders.

Where were you on the date and time that Agent 11 was violently attacked?

I was in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don’t exist

Have you, or any of the other Ice Warriors got any known past of violence?

I mean there was this one time where I got shouldered in the back but the ref didn’t blow the whistle so I just got up and gave my man a dig into the ribs with the hurl because he’s a dirty hoore who couldn’t mark a lamp post, other than that no.

When asked if it was you that attacked Agent 11, you stated “never”. Have you got any evidence to back this claim up?

Ní dhéanfainn riamh ionsaí ar chomh-Phoblachtánach riamh, bhí Gníomhaire 11 ann dom nuair a rinne an Bolt sin ionsaí orm agus í ag ionsaí mo thíre in Éirinn, tá áit faoi leith ag Gníomhaire 11 i bpobal na hÉireann agus ag gach duine againn, Marty Morrissey san áireamh. Tá fearg air féin faoin méid a tharla.

Who do you believe attacked Agent 11?

I believe it was set up by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

Madhav

When an attack happens, it is important that you assess the aftermath and who detirmine who benefited the most from the crime that was commited. Without a shadow of doubt, Madhav was easily the one with the most to gain from the attack on Agent 11, with Madhav actually managing to receive a promotion to admin status on the Ice Warriors discord and website. This promotion was announced by Andrew, who coincidently, was the same person who announced the attack on Agent 11. Whether or not Andrew had any involvement in the attack is still unknown, but sources state that this is being looked into.

Madhav was very vocal on the Club Penguin Online Army League website about the post in which I announced that Agent 11 had been attacked. Despite voicing vocal support for the actual post, no words of compassion were offered by Madhav sugesting a lack of worry or care about the Ice Warriors leader. With this being said, Madhav certainly demonstrated certain sociopathic behavourial traits that could have led to him being the one who attacked Agent 11 while he was on his way to the store.

Carole Baskin

For those of you who identify as cool cats and kittens, you will know that Carole Baskin has recently come to light as a potential criminal mastermind after allegedly killing her husband and feeding him to the tigers. While these allegations have been enough to allow the police to reopen their investigation into Carole’s missing husband, all this could be a distraction in order to prevent us knowing that Carole Baskin was the one who attacked Agent 11. As I have stated before in this post, in order to be a suspect, you need a motive.

Finding a link between Carole Baskin and Agent 11 has proved very difficult to acheive, but when you look at the situation a lot more closely, the links begin to stare right at you. The first link, an “agent” was deployed to Costa Rica to search for Carole Baskin’s missing husband, and with Agent 11’s name being so close to that, Carole Baskin may have easily mistaken the young Ice Warrior for the detective searching for her husband. Further to this, Agent 11 was born in the year 2000, the same year that Carole Baskin’s husband was first considered as possibly dead by the police investigating. With respect, how much more evidence do you need?

A picture of what Agent 11 may have been dressed as on the way to the shop. (Unconfirmed)

Agent 11

For our final suspect, we look at the Ice Warriors leader, Agent 11. Yes, that’s right. Could it be that in actual fact, Agent 11 was never actually assaulted at all? Could it be that Agent 11 fabricated the attack in order to take some time off from the Ice Warriors but not appear as if he had lost his loyalty? Agent 11 has been with the Ice Warriors for a decent length of time, a length of time that many would need a rest after. With that being said, the attack has allowed Agent 11 to take some much needed time off.

We have attempted to request CCTV footage from the area in which the attack took place, yet we have been unsuccessful in doing this. Not surprising as I put Kingfunks4 on the case… We have also attempted to obtain hospital records an photographs of the bruising on Agent 11. We have yet to see any of this – so I put it to you, have you seen it? Have you seen any physical evidence that Agent 11 was attacked on his way to the store?

What do YOU think? Did Madhav become power hungry and attempt a coup on Agent 11? Was it an inside job? Or did Carole Baskin want to feed him to her tigers?

Zing King To

Executive Producer

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