[SATIRE] The Perfect Army

This is a satire, don’t freak out.

ALASKA, CP Army Hub Headquarters – If there has ever been a perfect army, the CPA news sites have seen it. But what exactly makes the perfect army and is there even a supreme army?

In every league, every army strives to meet the goals set for them. Unless, of course, they are a meme army. The perfect army must have perfect leaders, perfect communication, perfect games, perfect grammar in announcements are detrimental, perfect 27/7 hour recruiting, perfect peace in the chats, perfect event attendance, perfect systems, perfect hecking everything. Otherwise, what even is it? Why don’t you allow a seasoned ex-army leader/reporter to show you just what the perfect army looks like?

Big Time Penguin Army

Introduction of BTPA

CPAH would like to introduce to the community Big Time Penguin Army. Notice how all members are uniform as they should be. The leader, PinkSockwa1 is known well, having begun her career 9 months ago and been in 14 different armies, leading 5 of those. Currently, she is taking care of 3 other armies as she is rather trusted.

The other leader, YellowSockwa2, after the picture above, was found screaming at the troops to continue 24/7 recruiting. He even kindly found their addresses to send everyone adult diapers for their struggles of ceaseless recruiting. Anyway, the perfect army has recently kicked out this kind of leader. When CPAH asked for an interview, he refused but at least told us that PinkSockwa “sucks.” The army has since then moved on. CPA should notice how this army takes care of loose ends and knew that this leader was not worthy! They truly must be perfect.

YellowSockwa’s quote on the issue of being defamed

Factors of the Best Army

Obviously, this army is rather spectacular. The army community would also do well to take notice of how Big Time Penguin Army chats with each other. Absolutely nobody gets offended because they are all equally toxic and attention mongers. That’s the way to be! Besides that, the staff is never in chat because they constantly work towards the betterment of the army by working out new systems and ferociously debating with other community members so they would be a well-known army. After all, that is how the staff is supposed to behave.

The communication is astounding in this army. The leaders have their own VC where they spend the majority of their time speaking with each other. They even use their VC to show everyone the possible future staff and considering they are brought along into the VC with leaders, the voice chat shows who troops should long to be like!

The Exclusive VC

Overall, CPAH sees this as the supreme army. From kicking out army leaders who dance in the middle of events, to staff who work so hard that they don’t even have time to participate in general chat. The community cannot deny that Big Time Penguin Army sounds perfect and is perfect!


What do YOU think? Is this the perfect army as suggested? Would you like to hear MORE news about the most perfect army? Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below!


CP Army Hub Associate Producer


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